dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
