Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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