1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
