I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
