we have pet lesbian snakes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
