Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
