You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
