I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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