And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
