I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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