I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
