that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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