About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
