these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You are a genius and a whore.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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