What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
