wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
