Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
