I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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