I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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