She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
