See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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