so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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