I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
