glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
