East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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