I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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