I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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