just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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