david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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