I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
