Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
