i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
