I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
