Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
