I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
