God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
