I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
