I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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