I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
