So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
