My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
