I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
