he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
