I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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