I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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