help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
