I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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