Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
