You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
