This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
